I Caught Myself
by xtina-chan
Summary: It is Bella's wedding day, and she is ready to marry Edward ... until Jacob shows up and changes everything. She chooses him over her vampire love ... or does she? Rated T for strong language & adult situations.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I am making no money or profits off of this. Just doing it for the fun of writing. Stepehenie Meyer owns the whole Twilightverse, and that won't ever change. I just take the characters and random bits, making them do what I want. heehee._

_Hey everyone. Long time no see :) Hope you enjoy. Please let me know. I really need feeback on this one. lol. Love ya. _

**Chapter One: **

I was more nervous than I'd ever been in my whole life, and trust me, that's truly saying something. I hadn't actually been able to lay my eyes upon Edward since yesterday afternoon. Verbally ordered by none other than Alice Cullen. She was making sure we kept this as traditional as possible.

It was aggravating not to have seen his crooked smile, or hear him whisper hello to me this morning. Even though it was in a slightly irrational way, I missed him. Terribly. Luckily in one hour we would be together again. As the saying goes, never to part from this day forward. Forever. We had forever.

I was more ready than ever, and surprisingly excited. Of course I was still terrified of the actual walk down the aisle, but not of the commitment I was making to Edward. Never that. I just knew my klutzy tendencies, and tripping and falling, in front of all those people, on my own wedding day . . . I shuddered not being able to imagine the level of horror I would feel.

It was difficult, but I let it go. Alice had assured and reassured me everything would go smoothly. And like anyone with common sense would know, you never bet against Alice. If she said it, it was true. That was one of the great things about her, her sight had helped me in so many ways, saved me, and I had absolute faith in my best friend.

I'd have to considering that I've let her be in charge of my entire wedding. Including her doing my wedding day makeup, and _Rosalie_ my hair. I knew she wouldn't try anything funny, not to bear the wrath of Alice, but I knew that she'd want to. I sighed, thinking of how the two of us would never be friends.

I would have Edward however, and that is all that really mattered. Thinking of him, I didn't have the heart to dwell on any negatives. Today I was getting married, and I was happy, pleased, and dare I think it . . . giddy even?

I did not feel like Bella, finally looking in to the full-length mirror. The anxiety from minutes ago had passed. I felt confident, determined, and ready for what was coming. I was _Isa_bella today: serious, joyous, adult, and kind of beautiful looking.

My hair and makeup were already finished, and I had to hand it to my soon to be sister-in-laws, they had done an amazing job. The makeup was applied heavily, for the picture's sake, but somehow it still looked quite natural. A little foundation to smooth out my complexion, mascara to accent my eyes, done further by dark shadow, tinted pink gloss for my lips was the last addition. I clearly did not need blush, due to the fact that my cheeks were often stained red whenever I was around Edward.

Turning side to side, I saw my hair was pulled up halfway, with a large pearl-coated broche. The rest was hanging down my back in loose curls. Hair too small to fit back, framed my face softly. I looked amazing, for me anyways. Nowhere near Alice or Rosalie's level, but nice enough.

They were just shrugging me into my dress, and after zipping, and buttoning the back, they left to get themselves ready. There were no words . . . I simply adored it. It was colored the traditional white, but was in itself, not so traditional. The front was tight fitted, with lacy long sleeves, and a collar that covered her neck. After the beaded bodice, the bottom was loose, a simple soft silk.

Turning, I saw down the middle of my back, a giant slit of skin revealed. It stretched downward, almost to my bottom. It made me feel kind of sexy to have my back showing, and nothing else. It was different.

Again, there was never anyway I could compare to my sisters, or even Edward, but I looked the best _I_ could, and there was nothing else to do about it. I knew I would still look out of place next to him, but hopefully not as much as usual. Hopefully, he would like it.

The girls walked in fully dressed. "He'll love it," Alice said answering my unspoken thought. She had clearly seen the moment of pain on my face. That eased on the fear a little. Like I said earlier, you never bet against Alice. But, it was my wedding day after all, and jitters were normal.

Renee, Phil, Charlie, Carlisle, and Esme all came to see me beforehand. There were tears, plenty of hugging, and wishes of good luck. Esme promised to me in a whisper that they would all keep their thoughts to themselves, to let Edward have his surprise. Carlisle had made Edward promise not to listen in on Charlie or Renee before he saw me. He agreed reluctantly, but knew if he didn't comply the Cullen women would give him hell.

Thirty minutes before I was going to take the plunge, Alice went still, signaling a vision was coming on. "Oh no," she gasped.

I was panicking now. Would I fall? Would Edward _not _like it? It was hard to ask her what was wrong, but I managed.

"I can't see anything!" That could only mean one thing that a werewolf had arrived.

We had invited Seth of course. After that battle in the clearing Edward and Seth had developed a rather unorthodox friendship. He told us he did want to go, but Sam would not allow it. Some of the pack, including Sam, did send their congrats, and a few gifts, but he did not think it was a good idea to attend.

So, before Alice even answered the knock at the door, I knew who it was. It could only be one person. Jacob Black.

"Hey leech- I mean hello Alice." Her eyes narrowed in greeting. "I need to talk to Bella for a few minutes alone if you don't mind," he continued ignoring the stare.

I could tell how strongly she wanted to argue that she did mind, but I interrupted her before she could begin. "Why not," I asked.

He was already here. Besides, deep down I still did want to be his friend, even if I wasn't in love with him anymore. I missed him, and maybe he was here to make amends.

"Fifteen minutes dog," she spoke icily, leaving the two of us alone. Rosalie followed silently after her. He finally looked at me. I could see the wonder and open interest in his gaze. It made me uncomfortable, and slightly angry. How could he look at me like that when I was about to marry another man?

"What do you want Jacob," I snapped. I had never heard my voice sound that cold before. He was instantly hurt by my tone, and I was instantly guilty.

"Thanks for the warm welcome Bells," he muttered looking at the floor. Well, he'd used my nickname, which usually signaled he meant no harm. I relaxed.

"Sorry Jake. I just . . . didn't expect you to . . . show up." He'd been away for months, avoiding me, and today he decides to make an appearance? He wasn't dressed for a wedding either, which meant he didn't plan on staying. I sighed in resignation. So this was our final goodbye?

"S'ok," he forgave me in typical Jacob style. I asked him much more gently this time the reason for his visit. It was best to get this over with as quickly as possible.

His head snapped up, eyes boring into mine. They were intense, pleading, hurt. I hated being the one who always did this to him. I just wanted him to be happy, and now he looked like he was going to cry. I walked over to him, embracing him in a tight hug.

"Oh Jake," my voice broke in despair. I had to let him go. I realized in the back of head that this was going to be similar to what I had said to Edward after the incident in Italy, except this goodbye was going to be permanent.

"I'm sorry, so sorry. None of this has been fair to you . . . I . . . want you to be happy Jacob, to move on, love someone who really deserves you. Don't worry, I promise that I will never bother you again, that you'll never have to hear from me. I don't want you in pain anymore. I'll miss you all the time, and I'll always care about you . . . but it's time now . . .to say goodbye I think."

I needed him to know that he'll always be my best friend, that I cared about him, but at the same time say goodbye. Jacob Black was no longer my Jacob. After a moment of silence I tried to continue, to reassure him. "And I'll be fine-" was all I got through before he abruptly pulled away looking startled.

He started speaking so fast, almost Edward fast, I had to concentrate a little more to catch everything he was saying.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, Bella! Please don't say that. Please don't say goodbye to me . . . I need you . . ." He trailed off.

"What other choice is there Jacob? You know what's going to happen," I began. We both knew Edward was going to change me soon after we were married. "What was it you said? That you'd rather see me dead? What is there to do about that?"

"I know, I know," his arms flung out helplessly, and he ran slightly unsteady fingers through his hair. "But I love you Bella, God do I love you. I do know a way, the_ only_ way we can still see each other."

What on Earth was he talking about? The way he said it almost made me think he was going to ask for a change himself, but he would never . . . I grew suspicious. "How," was all I asked.

In another abrupt movement, almost a jerk, he got down on one knee. At first, I thought he was in pain, by the quickness of his movement. I was alarmed. But then, he pulled out a little black velvet box, and opened it before me. There was ring inside.

A beautiful, old, almost tribal looking design of crisscrossing strands adorned the silver band. It was simple, polished, but not your typical kind of engagement ring. Apparently it was meant to be one. I felt light headed, like I couldn't breathe. Oh . . . my . . .

"Marry me," he requested.

My heart stopped.


	2. Chapter 2

_~~So here's chapter two. Enjoy. Please R&R (read and review for you newcomers) Thanks bunches.~~_

**Chapter Two: **

Was he . . . serious? Of course I knew he was, but . . . how could he do this to me? Today, at all, fifteen minutes before I was going to walk down the aisle? This was insanity. He was actually crazy.

Where was Alice? She should be back by now, I thought desperately. Edward was probably behind the extra time. Damn him, and his sensitivity! This is the one time I would kill for one of his intrusions, the one time I wished he could read my mind, and save me from this horrible situation.

I didn't want to hurt Jacob anymore. I'd done enough damage. I had just promised him that I wouldn't. But, honestly! He darn well knows how I feel. I'd committed to Edward, eternally.

Before I could cry, yell, or do any of the multiple things that came to mind, without a word he had slipped the ring on my finger, in front of Edward's. Everything changed.

_This _ring, _his _ring, it felt . . . right. Edward's felt like a tremendous weight, pulling me downward. I yanked both of them off my finger in one swift motion. I felt uneasy, crazy, but the moment I slipped Jacob's back on, my Jacob's ring, everything was blindingly clear.

Obviously he had known how I felt, better than myself. I'd convinced myself I was over him, ignoring my feelings for so long, but with this ring, this symbol of utter commitment from _him . . . _I knew I'd been dead wrong. I did still love him. I mean . . . I was going to marry him.

He glanced at me with eyes full of hope. All I could manage through this roller coaster of emotions was a nod. I was too overwhelmed. I felt . . . strange, unlike Bella, unlike Isabella, but more rightly like Bells. His Bella. Bella Black. So this was love huh?

This felt so different than my feelings for Edward. So much more consuming, I could hardly focus only anything other than this feeling. Was this hidden love for Jacob the real reason behind all my hesitations?

Yes, that was it, a tiny voice inside my head answered. I knew now that I'd been afraid. Afraid that he would leave me, imprint, and not make the lifelong pledge Edward had made to me, but I was wrong. He did love me just as much.

"Really," his voice was saturated with surprise, and something else I couldn't quite define.

"Yes." Why would he think anything else? How could he doubt?

We could finally be together. We could be a real family. My eyes started to water at the pure happiness that was literally radiating from every facet of his face, and was positive that mine mirrored his. Finally.

He stood then, pulling me back to him, and kissing me briefly on the lips. "I have to go Alice is coming back. I'll be at home with my dad okay? Come and meet me when you're finished here." He still looked weird . . . Ohh, it was skepticism I saw in his eyes. It puzzled me momentarily.

Well, maybe not. I had hurt him so much in the past after all. I would spend the rest of my life, I vowed, making it up to him. I would prove to him I was true, that I was worth it. He lefty swiftly, and not a minute later Alice entered.

"I need to see Edward."

"Bella it's time. Don't worry you'll see him in two minutes. Let's go."

"No, I need to see him now."

"Is something wrong? Are you alright?" She was trying futilely to see what had happened. A desolate expression spread through her face. She had clearly seen the decision I had made, and stared wide eyed at me in dread.

My stomach clenched in agony. She looked so betrayed, and I would miss her. "Okay," she spoke slowly, and so low I'd barely heard her reply. Silently she left. It'll be okay, it'll be okay, I repeated like a mantra in my head. I would be with Jacob again soon.

Edward appeared, and a fresh, intricate stab of pain flowed through me. I would more than miss him. Edward Cullen, the love of my- Jacob, Jacob, Jacob! There was that inner voice again, reminding me of what was important.

I could tell by his eyes that he knew, that he heard Alice. I regretted I hadn't been the first to tell him, I regretted it more than anything else. He had always been so good to me, and here I was being the worst kind of person.

"So it's true," his voice was strongly controlled. It frighteningly did not match the raw pain; the haunted look etched in his face, and eyes. I saw his eyes travel to the ring on my finger. His face intensified a thousand fold, taking my breath way, and then complete composure replaced it, all in less than a second. I almost didn't catch it.

There were no signs of struggle. I knew it was a lie, but he looked noncommittal to the topic. It made me feel better, kind of. At least he was keeping it together.

"Edward. I'm so- I never wanted- I didn't know- I really feel-" I tried so many different explanations, but could finish none. I was readying my self for another go round when his smooth, velvet, voice interrupted me.

"Don't Bella. It's . . . okay. I knew when I left you, that I'd hurt you too much. I knew that you'd fallen in love with him. He was there for you when I wasn't . . . I guess that I've been trying to get you to see reason for so long, and you haven't, and now that you have . . . well it's just a surprise that's all. You've finally come to your senses, and seen that I'm very wrong for you. Like I've said . . . I just want you to be happy Bella. I'm glad that you are being true to yourself, and with me. Just . . . just tell me this is what you really want. That this is the path to your happiness . . ." He trailed off waiting for me.

There was no way to stop the tears flowing down my face. He was such a wonderful man. I prayed that he would find the one for him, to really complete him, in a way I never could. All I could do was nod, speaking was not an option at the moment.

I scanned the floor; bending down trying to retrieve the ring I'd dropped, his ring, and wordlessly handed it to him. I felt his cold, strong, yet strangely delicate fingers brush my palm, lifting the small object from my hand. I was enveloped in his familiar sweet scent in a hard hug. He kissed my forehead lightly, and whispered his goodbye to me.

"If . . . if you ever need _any_thing Bella, don't hesitate to call . . . any of us. Alice is still your friend, she can't be mad with you over this, and I . . . well I'll be there if you're ever in trouble."

As he was turning toward the door, I heard him say in a lower voice, probably not meant for me to hear, something that sounded like I love you. I couldn't be sure, but . . . He looked at me one last time. "You look really beautiful by the way," he informed me. Then Edward Cullen walked out of my life. Forever.

We were over, permanently so. I was drowning in a sea of grief for one immeasurable minute, until the voice returned. Jacob was waiting for me. How could I despair so much when I had that promise? I felt so blessed; I was going to be with the love of my life. My life was finally starting.

_~~So, any thoughts? How'd I do? I'm dieing to know.. lol~~_


	3. Chapter 3

_~~ Okee dokee so here is another treat for you guys ^_^ lol. Please R&R, I really do appreciate it~~_

**Chapter Three: **

Everything that followed went by so fast; it was all a giant blur to me. I could only seem to hold onto the larger things that occurred. I know that I drove to Billy's and found Jacob there as promised, all smiles. My parents had followed me there, and Jacob delivered the happy news. Charlie looked skeptical, like my fiancé had earlier, mixed in with something not exactly definable. But, what could he say?

He'd made his choice of who I should pick abundantly clear in the past. He was getting what he'd wanted, and so was I. We had the marriage ceremony that night, at the reservation, under the full moon. How appropriate.

There was only a tiny cluster of us gathered on the beach that night. Jacob, Renee, Charlie, the pastor, and me. Jake told me the pack was gathered in the woods close by though, they wanted to be a part of this with him. I could remember my first married kiss, the wedding night, but not the fine details like the dinner afterward; any of the conversation, but it didn't matter. Everything was perfect.

We had six months of blissful marriage together, the perfectly newlyweds I mused. We had moved in with Billy for a while, before getting the house. Billy and my dad and split the money for the down payment between them. They were amazing.

It was right by our beach, and so perfect. It was a fixer upper for sure, but Jacob was handling the fixing part really well. Charlie came by almost every Saturday to spend the day and help out.

I'd make my two special men, as I often announced them, a grand dinner to reward their hard work. I'd always make extra, so that I could send the leftovers home with Charlie. He really appreciated it, and stuttered a heartfelt thanks every time.

I really loved him. I was so glad that I was able to stay in his life, to be able to cook him dinner, and do things for him. I didn't think I could ever leave him for good, like I'd been planning on before . . . we were too close.

The house was small, but greatly charming, all of its quirks included. More importantly, it was our home together, so I had to love it, even if it were just a shack. As long as Jacob was included in the deal, I couldn't care less.

I was going to put college off for a while; I really wanted to focus on our relationship. I needed to. He tried to persuade me to go, or at least take a couple of classes' part time like, but I just couldn't muster the desire to attend school again. It was very strange for me, but I can't help how I feel.

Jake wanted to be with me just as much. To _my _dismay, he'd quit high school. I had to give it to him though; he did get his GED, and was planning on starting at the community college next September. My glorious husband decided to get a job doing some heavy stock lifting. After all, what was the point of badass werewolf strength if it couldn't help you bring in some money?

Billy, who I couldn't thank enough, had found me a job at the local fisherman's store. I was a cashier, and got to sell people all kinds of junk: fishing poles, line, weird looking rubber bait, funny hats and suspenders, it was very interesting.

Fortunately, the two of us made both enough money together to support ourselves. It was often a tight squeeze, but we were always able to afford the essentials. Food was a major money zapper with the way those pack boys ate all the time. The rest went to the mortgage, and bills.

I have never been one for shopping, so buying new clothes wasn't a problem. My old ones did just fine. Jake only really wore clothes to work. Being in the pack, and clothes didn't really mesh well together, he was half dressed a majority of the time anyways, which again suited me just fine.

Six months of greatness, six heavenly months. We had not one fight, argument, or disagreement of any kind. However, six months was all I was getting I guess. Everything started to change again after that mark was hit, and not in a wonderful way this time.

I could see when the changes in Jacob started happening. They were subtle, almost unnoticeable at first, but I knew him far too well. I had the ability to see the things most other people weren't able to.

He would be watching T.V. in the living room, while I read off to the side on the squeaky loveseat. I was stealing glances at his face, his posture, over the top of Pride and Prejudice. There was a slight sag to his shoulders, an exhausted, eerily haunted look in the center of his eyes.

He acted like that a lot of time, and it hurt me so . . . deeply, I'd tried, unsuccessfully, to bring it up a couple of times. One of those nights I'd just asked simply, "Are you alright," in a hesitant breath of question. Truthfully I was terrified of how he would answer me. Was he unhappy with me all ready?

He looked taken off guard; apparently my concern had interrupted some other train of thought. He composed his face well enough and forced a smile. "Yeah Bells, I'm fine."

"Are you," I gulped nervously. "Are you unhappy?" I mentally cringed.

His face was instantly serious, serious and guilty. "Aww honey, come here," His muscular tanned arms stretched out to pull me onto his lap. They wrapped around my stomach in a tender squeeze as he kissed my cheek equally tenderly. "How can I not be happy with you around? Of course I'm great. I'm sorry if I had you worrying, thinking crazy things like that. I'm just tired you know? I've been hauling a lot of hours at the factory . . . forgive me?"

"Sure, sure," I threw his familiar nonchalant reply back at him with a mischievous grin. He wasn't getting enough sleep between working so much, and our home, rather unmentionable, activities. I could sure use some more. He barked a laugh taking in my face, and the words of forgiveness I'd offered. We started on one of our longest time taking activities. One of my personal favorites.

My night was filled with the same dreamless sleep as usual now. Since I'd married Jake, my nightmares had stopped, and so had my dreaming in general. Either I wasn't dreaming at all, or I just couldn't remember. Either way it didn't matter, I was just thankful. Having the chance of Jacob listening to my unconscious babble had been a severe worry for me.

I was silly to stress over something like that. It was silly to feel so mortified, really it was. Everyone knew that once Jacob Black was asleep, he was dead to the world. You couldn't rouse him with a bomb. Still, one less thing to be embarrassed about.

Jake's, horribly annoying, four A.M alarm clock work me the next morning. I drifted back to sleep as he dragged his feet into the bathroom. I heard the running water and dimly remembered that I hadn't gotten to make his lunch for today, we'd both been a little preoccupied last night. I blushed at the images in my mind.

I forced myself to get out of bed and into the kitchen knowing that at least after this I could go back to sleep. Yay for my day off! I fixed him three ham and cheese sandwiches the way he loved them. The crust cut off, some mayonnaise on one side of bread, and honey mustard on the other, with a piece of cheese and honey ham. He'd enjoy this.

I popped a couple of cans of soda, and a couple of bottles of water, along with a big bag of chips, in the lunch pack before returning to bed. I smiled thinking of how much I loved him. He had no qualms about getting up at this ungodly hour if it was for me. He was amazing.

I'd almost found sleep when I felt his lips touch mine lightly. He thought I was unconcious. I felt the flash of surprised delight when I kissed him back, but that was quickly replaced by a deeper hunger. I heard, and felt his breath on my lips as an irritated sigh leaked through his mouth. He had to leave. I finally opened my eyes.

"Thanks for lunch, you didn't have to that honey, I know you're tired."

"It's alright. I don't mind." He kissed me again, briefly.

"Love you Bella."

"Love you too Jake," I closed my eyes in relaxation.

"See you when I get home; probably around seven or so. I'm going to spend the afternoon over at my dad's today okay?"

"Sure, sure."

"You have_ got_ to stop stealing my phrases woman."

"Only one actually," I yelled to him as he walked outside to the car. The last thing I heard was a deep amused chuckle.


	4. Chapter 4

_Hey there. For those of you with questions about the last chapter don't worry about it. Things will get explained in due time. I promise. ^^ Hope you keep on enjoying this. Please R&R~~_

**Chapter Four: **

I was in the kitchen washing the dishes from last night's dinner. It was a chore, but helped me pass the time until my husband returned. After a few minutes I heard a knock at the front door.

Turning the faucet off, I dried my hands briefly on a dishtowel, before walking over curiously. I wasn't expecting anyone today . . . who could it be? Opening the door I found myself face to face with Edward Cullen. I could not speak, or move.

"Hello Bella, can I come in?" His voice was gentle, lovely as ever.

Speech still eluded me, but I stepped aside to show him he was welcome inside. As he breezed past me I was assaulted by the intoxicating scent that constantly accompanied the Cullens. A surprising ache and longing tore through me. Our time together was over, buried deep in the past, but actually seeing him made me aware of how much I really did miss him.

He was standing in the kitchen choosing to stay silent for now, and I began to finish my earlier task of dirty dishes. He grabbed the dishtowel, and as I washed, he dried them, placing them inside the cabinet already opened. It was so reminiscent of the million other times we'd done this together during our relationship.

"So, how are you?" He finally broke the silence.

I put a lot of effort into answering him this time, and panicked when I couldn't. It felt like . . . someone had ripped my voice box out. What was going on? My eyes were tearing in frustration.

"Bella," he whispered my name in a broken hearted sigh, while brushing a stray tear away with the back of his hand. "This was what you wanted remember . . . a normal life, to be able to still see your family, to see Charlie . . . wasn't it?"

Yes! I had thought that was everything I wanted, but . . .

"But," he prodded me as if reading my mind. "I can hear you now," he told me puzzled. "I can't be sure as to why, but maybe it has to do with our bond being severed." He was musing mostly to himself, and did not sound as baffled as I felt. Of course he wouldn't mind.

A broken bond . . . a bond that _I_ had killed myself . . . but why, for Jacob? Right now that didn't sound very logical to me with Edward standing here. I was confused, and everything was muddled.

"Would you like me to leave?"

No, I shouted mentally. I hadn't realized till that moment how much I needed him to stay, how much I missed him. Why had I left him for my best friend? Yes, I did love Jacob, but it was never in the same way I had Edward. It didn't make any sense.

"I miss you too Bella. I don't think you can really fathom just how much. I wish . . . I wish you had chosen me. I could've made you happy too . . ."

I knew he could've, should've, been the one. I knew this so clearly, so intensely for a moment, that I could scarcely breathe. He was next to me in an instant trying frantically to wipe away the tears falling in buckets down my face. I was beyond confused.

I must have had a reason . . . Jacob . . . but I had really thought about that so much before I'd made my decision for Edward . . . I shook my head desperately, feeling the migraine creeping up already. I had to love Jacob . . . I did love him.

"No," Edward was now shaking his head at me. "You don't. Not in the true way you're supposed to love your husband."

Are you calling me a liar? I was . . . outraged.

"No, you were never one for lies Bella, but someone _is _lying to you." His tone was clear on who he suspected the culprit was.

What does that even mean? I don't really love my husband, and he doesn't love me either?

His brow creased in deep concentration. "No," he began slowly, unsurely. "He most definitely does love you. He always has, but . . . I'm not sure . . . I've never dealt with this kind of thing before."

What kind of thing?

"It's unfamiliar, un . . . explainable. Something wrong is going on here, something wrong that made you change. You never had a choice."

Coherent thoughts were no longer an option for me. I was overwhelmed with so many feelings. One being that he was right.

"It's alright, ignorance is bliss they say. Besides, it doesn't really matter as long as you're happy."

Happy? I am, I was, until now.

"Oh dear, I've made you unhappy . . . I always seem to do that. I've taken your ignorance away I think?"

He had, but was that such a terrible thing? Confusing yes, but what was so bad with trying to get some answers? Unhappy . . .Edward had never made me feel that way, what was he talking about? I'd always felt like I was a part of some unbelievable fairytale when we were together and-

"But I did," he corrected me. "When I left you."

I couldn't argue the truth of that, but how could I stay that way when he had only been doing it to protect me? Plus, he had come back, and stayed with me. Not like when I'd had left him, no, that was selfish and not for anyone's good, but my own. I had made and kept him unhappy.

"That's not your fault Bella."

Yes it was! People were always trying to take the blame from me. It was exasperating, and it was definitely my fault.

"No," he repeated soothingly.

Stop it, I yelled again. This was all too much.

I married Jacob. I loved him. I had a good life. It was small, had imperfections, but was good. It didn't have to be ruined; I didn't have to hurt anyone else. Edward had no idea what he was talking about, although that was a first. Maybe-

"Maybe I am wrong. I told you I have no idea what I'm talking about. Something just feels strange here, but you're right. I don't want to hurt you, disrupt your life, so I'll leave. I just wanted to make sure you were okay before I moved on."

Moved on?

"Of course Bella. Do you think I could get over you that easily?" He sounded appalled.

Yes, I did think that.

"Absurd," he mumbled walking away from me, out of my life again.

"Edward no," I pleaded desperately, finally able to speak.

I ran to him, pulling his body to face mine. I needed him to stay. I needed to look at him, talk to him, and love him. "What Bella," he asked softly placing both of his hands on my waist. "What do you want?"

I don't know! I couldn't form the words, but screamed them in my head. I felt my hands of their own accord reaching up to tangle themselves in the soft hair at the nape of his neck. I was pulling his face to mine, our lips almost touching. We were going to kiss . . .

"Bella," there was that tortured voice again. "We can't."


	5. Chapter 5

_~~Hey guys. Hope you liked the last chapter. I couldn't live that long without adding a little Edward. lol. Hope you enjoy this as well. Please R&R. Thanks~~_

**C****hapter Five: **

I shot bolt upright gasping loudly, and clutching my chest with shaking hands. I was drenched in sweat. It was just a dream . . . just a dream. My legs were slightly unsteady on my walk to the kitchen.

I grabbed a soda from the fridge and chugged it all down at once. The cold liquid felt nice, but did not manage to get rid of my unease. Glancing at the clock I found out it was still early, eight o'clock, and I knew I couldn't sleep any more today.

A shower was definitely first on the agenda. I turned on the water letting it warm up, while I went about taking off my clothes. I shrugged out of them quickly, I felt trapped in them somehow, silly as it was. My eyes wandered down to the band still on my finger.

I hadn't taken it off since he'd given it to me, but I felt, just like the clothes, this ring was just another thing trapping me, weighing me down. Everything needed to go. I just . . . I needed to just be me, by myself, with nothing else crowding up the space.

I sighed as the hot water went to work on loosening me up, my muscles were tight with worry, for what I didn't exactly know, but I couldn't help being worried all the same. The shower was helping me relax though, and I made myself not think about anything during this. Stepping out twenty minutes later I felt almost normal again I thought, as I opened the door to let some of the steam out.

Swiping a hand across the foggy mirror, I got a shock seeing the expression plastered on my face. I looked . . . completely crazed. Pull it together!

It was hard after months of not dreaming, or not remembering anyways, to finally dream again, and have it be about him. It was silly to be upset, I knew it was, but something just felt so wrong. I pulled on my long sleeved red sweater, and a pair of faded jeans, while I mulled over everything he had said.

Was there any truth in his words? I frowned not wanting to delve too closely. I pulled my wedding ring back on, and began coming through my hair so I could tie up in the usual ponytail I wore.

Of course not, I told myself with conviction. It was ridiculous, and an insult to her marriage to even think it. I loved Jacob. He was such a good guy, and perfect for her. Well . . . maybe not perfect . . . I shook my head trying to stop the doubts.

He was my life now. My love. Jacob, Jacob, Jacob.

I went about the rest of my day cleaning the house. There was so much to catch up on: laundry, both washing and drying I found dismayed, vacuuming, dusting . . . everything. I went through every room of the house making sure I got every surface, nook, and cranny. I needed to keep myself busy till Jake got home.

The kitchen, thank God, was my last stop. Immediately I went to the sink and twisted the faucet on. The dish pile was too huge to ignore. Almost instantly I backed myself to the opposite wall in horror. Oh, why, did I do that? It ended up bringing me right back to doing dishes . . . with Edward.

Ocher eyes looking at her as if she was the only woman that existed, the strong line of his jaw, flawless lips kissing her endlessly, his indescribable scent, cool strong arms wrapped protectively around her . . .

No. No. Edward and me are over. It's Jacob and me now. We're married, husband and wife, forever. That soothed my mind slightly, but the trapped feeling was back in full force, and I couldn't shake it.

Again, I knew how crazy I was being. I loved Jacob, without a doubt, and he loved me. I was happy. We were happy.

We were good together. Right. Everything was . . . right. _His_ eyes, _his_ face, _his_ kiss, _his_ arms wrapped around me . . . we lived together, loved together, worked hard to keep our happy life. He'd do anything for me, and had. I'd do the same for him. I decided to call him. Hearing his voice would make me feel better I hoped.

I dialed his cell phone number, and waited while it rang. Maybe he wasn't on break yet.

"Hello," his husky voice inquired. I almost cried out in relief.

"Hi honey."

"Hey Bells. What's up? Are you alright?" I must sound more anxious than I thought.

"Yeah, great. I just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you a lot today."

The alarm left his voice, and was very warm when he replied. "Aww honey, I miss you too. Do you want me to just come home after work? I can always visit my dad later."

Tempting, but I wouldn't do that to him. "Nah, it's okay. I know your dad misses you too. Give him a hug for me?"

"Will do sweetheart. Why don't you go visit Charlie, while I'm with my dad? I know he'd love that."

Perfect. "That's a great idea. We haven't really spent anytime alone together lately. I miss him . . ."

"See? And you say you're the smart one!"

"I still am," I teased lightly. "But I do miss him, and the house actually. It really did become my home." I did love the place, ached to see it, but for just as many reasons, I dreaded it as well.

"You're going to come back aren't you," he questioned in mock panic. "I don't have to worry about you leaving me for Charlie right?"

"Never," I said more serious than probably needed.

"I love you Bella." He was just as serious. I heard some of the guys whistling in the background. Poor him, I thought with a chuckle. I didn't want them to rag on him.

"Love you too Jake. See you tonight." We hung up and I grabbed my car keys off the kitchen table. A trip to Forks to spend time with my dad was exactly what I needed.


	6. Chapter 6

_~~So here is the last chapter for a little while. Sorry, it is kind of short, but I hope you like it anyways. It's not very action packed or too angsty, but this conversation is kind of needed so . . . there you go. lol. Again, I'm not too sure when I'll be able to post another, but hopefully you'll still want to continue reading when I do ^^ Enjoy. Please R&R. Thanks so much.~~_

**Six: **

I pulled into the familiar driveway, shifted into park, and turned off the engine. I didn't come here often. There were too many memories here, but I had to stop thinking about it. Taking a trip down memory lane was a dangerous road that I should not embark upon.

"Bella," Charlie exclaimed brightly. He'd clearly heard my poor truck rumbling in its old age. I was enveloped in a hug before I'd even gotten around to knocking on the front door. I hugged my father back tightly in surprise and elation. He was always so happy to see me.

"Can't . . . breathe . . . dad," I gasped jokingly after a minute. I heard him laugh heartily as he let go and led me inside.

"So Bells," he asked sitting across from me on his recliner. "What brings you here?"

"Nothing in particular. I just wanted to see you. I miss you . . . and I think I'm a little homesick."

"Home misses you too sweetie," he replied with a smile.

I smiled back. I really did love him, always had, but never so much until I'd moved to Forks, stayed in Forks . . . because of Edward. I couldn't shake these feelings no matter how hard I tried, and it was beyond frustrating.

I realized that what I needed was to talk to someone about it, about him, but without actually bringing him up. Charlie was never his biggest fan, but who else did I have?

"So, how's Jake?" The question broke through my inner pondering.

"Good. He's at work right now, and he's heading over to Billy's for a little while afterwards."

He nodded, and turned his head back to watching the football game. I couldn't sit still. How to bring it up? He glanced at me, probably seeing my awkward fidgeting, and asked me what was wrong.

"N-Nothing," I stuttered unsure now. Then a giant lightening bolt of an idea struck me. "Me and Jacob were talking last night about our wedding ceremony and everything, and I was just wondering . . . what you thought of it."

He looked surprised. Perplexed. "About you and Jake?"

Too bothered to form words, I nodded simply in response.

"Well hell Bells, you guys are great together. You know I've always thought that."

"Yes, I do know," I began struggling to find the right way to phrase this. "But, I was more interested in what you thought about what happened that day . . . We've never really talked about it."

His lips puckered, and his eyebrows came together while he thought. "The truth," he asked me after a never-ending silence. I nodded again.

"Well, you surprised me more that day than I've ever been. You fought me tooth and nail, at every chance you got, to stay with him. Even after he left you, after everything you went through because of him, you stayed with him.

I know you care about what I think, and that you hate to do things that hurt me, but you were going to marry Edward anyways . . . I was taking comfort in the fact that at least you would be happy, you loved him, and even though I hated to admit it, he loved you too. He loved you, and then you left him. Just like that.

I'm sorry Bella, but that isn't like you. Even though you know I never really liked the guy, leaving him at the altar like that wasn't right. Of course, I don't mean that I wanted you to marry him when you didn't want to, but you . . . you married Jacob the same night!

I'm not really judging you Bells, I know you've had it pretty rough, but . . . I don't know. I thought maybe you would take some time to get over him . . . date Jake for a while before settling down . . .but you didn't . . . you jumped right in and . . . It was just so unlike you, so weird. It was a weird day."

His entire face was beet red as he finished. I could tell he hadn't meant to say so much, and was embarrassed. But, he was right. It was . . . a heartless thing to do, not like the Bella I thought I was. My eyes filled thinking of the all the damage I'd inflicted on just Edward alone.

"Aww honey, don't be upset. Why did you even bring it up?"

He shouldn't feel bad. It's not his fault. "I don't know dad. I guess I've been feeling kind of strange lately. Guilty maybe. I can't really explain it right."

"Put everything else aside for a minute Bella. Are you happy?"

"Yes dad."

"No doubts?"

I did hesitate for just a moment, not long enough for him to notice. "No dad, no doubts."

We made small talk for the rest of the afternoon in between commercials during the game. We were both pretending that conversation hadn't actually happened. I left as it started getting dark, earlier on because of the winter month.

I'd grab a couple of pizzas on the way home. Jacob could easily eat two by himself, and I only needed two slices. Charlie hugged me goodbye, and I walked down the front porch steps heading to my truck.

"Hey dad," I called back to him before opening the door.

"Yeah?"

"Can we keep what we talked about . . . to ourselves?" I didn't want Jake to worry. I loved him. He should have no doubts about that.

"Sure honey."

"Thanks," I replied and started on my trek home.


	7. Chapter 7

_Hey everyone :D back with another chapter :D I hope you guys enjoy it, and please let me know either way. R&R :D_

_Also, I just want to say that yes, I know this might sound OOC, but it's supposed to for right now, I can't really explain it, because it'll ruin the story for you, but trust me .. AND I just want to warn you there is some violence in this chapter .. It's not descriptive, but I thought I'd let you know. I do love Jacob, but in this fic he's kind of the bad guy. Sorry guys. _

_So, once again, I hope you like it :D _

**Chapter Seven:**

I brought the pizzas home, and Jake and I ate dinner. The rest of the night went by pretty normally . . . except for my paranoia. I had this feeling, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get rid of it, like maybe . . . maybe . . . he knew. He seemed different, tense, like he knew about my dream, my talk with Charlie, and as ridiculous as I knew I was being something really did feel out of place . . . wrong.

Whatever it was that was bothering him, disturbing the atmosphere, I didn't dare press it. I was afraid of the answer. Again, I knew there was no way that he could know about any of it, but day after day, I began to realize maybe I wasn't just being paranoid. He was getting worse.

We were talking to each other less and less, getting ready for work, eating dinner, watching TV, getting ready for bed, in almost complete silence. Eventually I began noticing the stench of alcohol that accompanied him when he came home after work. As the time passed it happened more frequently. The night I decided to confront him about it was the start of it all.

"Jacob," I asked hesitantly, trying my best not to sound accusing. "Have you been drinking?"

Billy let Jake have a beer or two while watching a game. As long as you didn't abuse it the rules on that were pretty lax. After pack runs, helping to defend their homes, what was wrong with having a beer to relax? But this smell was too strong; something his father would not approve of . . . Jack Daniels?

For a fraction of a second he sat motionless. He looked surprised, guilty, and then his expression changed. Rage. I'd seen him angry before, but never this intense, slightly maniacal look, which was directed right at me. I held my breath.

"Jesus Bella! Do I have to run everything I do by you?" He was yelling at me.

He'd only ever yelled at me before when I was doing something stupid, like risking my life, never because I asked him a question, even if it made him look bad. He slurred slightly, reconfirming my suspicions. Even though I was hurt by his outburst I found myself getting angry with him.

"Of course not Jacob," I snapped.

"Then let it go."

"But it is my business if my husband- excuse me- my _under-aged _husband, comes home four out of five days this week, reeking of liquor!"

Just like that, the moment I'd lost my temper, he was silent. Then his face crumpled in pain. My heart constricted.

"Aww Bella, I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to yell at you honey. I guess I did drink a little too much. It's just that the guys at work all get together afterward and hang out, and they finally started inviting me along. I was just trying to fit in, but it was stupid." He was downtrodden.

I couldn't help but soften in response. "It's okay Jake."

"No Bella, it's not okay, but I promise I won't go out with them again . . . okay?" He was so hopeful, so remorseful.

"You don't have to go that far. I don't want you to be a social outcast," I began lightly. He hadn't meant any of it. "Just keep it to a couple of beers alright?"

"You got it." He smiled brightly in thanks.

How could I possibly stay upset with him when he was clearly that sorry? I stood up, gave him a peck on the cheek, and went to bed thinking everything would be okay now. I was wrong. Like I said, it only got worse. Maybe not right away, but two weeks later it blew up again.

He walked into the house, well stumbled actually, slamming the door clumsily behind him. It was close to one in the morning, and he'd long ago missed dinner. I had tried to wait up for him, but fell asleep reading on the couch. I jumped up as the front door startled me awake.

He turned around, got a glimpse of me, and jumped in surprise. "Bella . . . you scared me." Tonight he was slurring so badly I could barely make out the words.

"Scared you," I asked incredulously. "Jacob, where have you been?"

"Out with the guys. You said that was okay remember?"

"Yeah, but I also said only a couple of beers Jake. A couple."

"I only did have a couple," he replied defensively.

It was clear by the way he was walking, and the sound of his voice, that he had had more than a couple. Also, judging by the stench, he had had more than a couple of something, but not beers. Hard liquor again.

"You don't have to lie to me Jacob," I almost screamed in exasperation. "But a phone call would've been nice you know. You could've saved me the trouble of waiting up and worrying about you."

"Why did you even bother," he mumbled pathetically.

"Because I love you, you idiot."

"Do you?"

How could he ask me that? Sure, he'd been acting distant and strange lately, I'd even go so far as to say he was being a jerk, but of course I did.

"I'm your wife," I told him simply, reminding him of the lifelong promise I'd made, we'd made, to each other.

I thought that would reassure him, but his expression darkened infinitely into something I couldn't even begin to interpret. He didn't like my answer? Seeing the hurt look that must've appeared on my face, he seemed to fumble around for words . . . then he exploded.

"God dammit Bella! That's exactly my point. You are _my_ wife. Mine. And if I want to go out, I will. I don't need you giving me grief about it and ruining my night."

"Jacob, I understand you wanting to make friends at work, but staying out all night without calling, and drinking this much, this often, when you're not even twenty let alone twenty one," I trailed off trying to find the words through my frustration. "I _am _your wife. I married you, I chose you, and I love you. We're supposed to be a team and work together not-"

"Shut up," he bellowed charging in my direction. He stopped not even two inches away from me, he was right in my face.

I was angry.

"How dare you Jacob Black! How dare you! I do everything for you, for us: the laundry, cleaning the house, the cooking . . . everyday. And you have the nerve to speak to me this way? I love you, you inconsiderate, selfish . . .ass! You think just because I married you I'll do whatever you tell me to? Well you've got another thing coming if you think-"

Then he slapped me.

It would've hurt anyways, but his size combined with the werewolf strength . . . holy crow. That made it so much more painful. My hand instantly shot up, cradling the right side of my face. I could feel my eye beginning to swell already, and couldn't stop the tears from falling.

He leaned closer bending over my face like he was going to kiss me. "Just shut up about it, you hear me," he whispered dangerously low.

I nodded unable to speak. I believe scared stiff is the expression. Plus, I was so in shock I could barely make myself move, let alone actually answer him. He walked into our bedroom slamming the door behind him, and didn't come out for the rest of the night.

_:( I know, I know, it's so sad .. I don't like it either. lol. I just wanted to do something kind of out of the box for this love triangle .. and this story is what came of it. I hope you guys like it, because every time I post a chapter I get so nervous. lol. I'm just not sure if any of you really like it .. _

_So, what's the verdict? Let me know .. Thanks! _


	8. Chapter 8

_Okay guys here it is .. chapter 8! Yay! lol. It's kind of short, but I hope you like it. Sorry for such a late posting of this, but I've been really busy the past couple of weeks and haven't been online .. so here you go :D _

_Once again, I hope you guys like it. This is the most angsty kind of fic I've ever tried to write so bear with me. Also, I don' really want to give any spoilers but I feel like I should let you guys know .. there is a mention of rape in this chapter .. nothing is described .. but I just wanted to warn you._

**Chapter Eight:**

I think it's obvious to say that I slept on the couch that night. I woke up in the morning alone. Judging by the clock on the cable box he was already at work. Funny, I hadn't budged at all. Usually, despite his best efforts, he always ended up waking me. He was not a quiet person.

Today he had been extra careful, which meant he probably did feel horrible about what happened. Good! With a long sigh I got up and stretched my legs. I really did not want to look in the mirror, but I knew I needed to assess the damage. I gasped at what my reflection revealed.

Almost the whole right side of my face was swollen, more so where his hand had actually impacted, but disgusting and noticeable nonetheless. I could barely make out the brown color in my eye due to the swelling, and the plethora of color surrounding it. When they tell you black and blue they mean it, and then some.

There was no way I could go to work like this! I had no choice but to call out. I told my boss I'd had a little accident and needed about three days off. I'd never taken anytime off so she had no problem with it.

I stayed inside all day. I didn't feel like doing anything but sulk, and I could not go out in public like this anyway, so I just sat on the couch watching television. Around noon I got a call from Jacob's work.

"Hello Bella. Um- Is Jacob there? He didn't show up for work today."

Instant unease shot through me. He hadn't? I quickly made up a lie.

"Oh darn. Brian I am so sorry. Jake's . . . really sick you know, he's been up all night. He asked me to call you this morning, but I've been so busy taking care of him I forgot-"

"Don't worry about it Bella. It's fine."

"He won't get in trouble for my stupidity will he?"

"Of course not, but, is he okay? Will he be here tomorrow?"

"I'm not sure. I think we're going to have to play this by ear. Would it be okay if I just called you in the morning and let you know?"

"Sure no problem. Hope he gets better soon."

"Thanks."

I hung up with him and let out a breath. Jacob would probably come home tonight, but just incase . . . at least he wouldn't lose his job.

He didn't come home that night. I was kind of relieved. I had no idea what to say to him. I certainly didn't forgive him, but then he didn't show up the next day either.

By day three I was very worried. He wouldn't even answer his cell phone. I was so desperate I was about to call the police and file a missing persons report that night. Then I heard the howl.

It was a desperate, broken, and almost savage noise of pain, and I knew instantly it was Jacob. I found him outside, already in his human form, crumpled in a heap on the ground, his hands covering his face. He was bawling. He was an absolute mess. My heart nearly gave out as I ran over to him.

"I-I-I'm so s-sorry," he whispered his eyes averted downward.

I couldn't speak, so I tried pulling him inside. I couldn't let him stay out here in the middle of winter no matter how warm I knew he was.

"No," his voice was slightly louder, slightly more pulled together. "I can't. Not after what I did." He finally looked at my face, cringing at the marks he'd left. "God Bella! How can I . . . after what I did to you . . . I honestly want to die. I've never wanted anything to hurt you," he pleaded to me, grabbing both of my hands in one of his and holding them to his chest. "I'd kill anything that tried, you know that. And knowing that _I_ did this to you . . ." He was crying again.

It was true, he had done so much for me in the past. He had protected me from Laurent and Victoria, he'd been the one ray of light through my darkest days, he had stayed with me even after I'd chosen Edward over him, he'd even helped in the fight, and had gotten badly hurt in the process. He had made so many sacrifices for me.

I knew he hadn't meant it. It was just the alcohol talking, that's what changed him. Still, I didn't say anything. I could smell it fresh all over him. Like it was coming out of his pores. How could he be drinking again?

I was disgusted with him, yet also . . . sympathetic? Yes, he did drink tonight, but this wasn't like the other night at all. He was sad, apologetic, and he was clearly going through a rough patch. I had said for better or worse hadn't I? Plus . . . he'd done so many things for me, to help me, why couldn't I help him?

The rational part of my brain told me how insane I was being. _Don't let him in- once a liar always a liar, once a hitter always a hitter. _Still . . . It was like I had no choice in the matter. My mind was already made up.

"Jacob," my voice was shaky. "Come inside and sleep it off okay? We can talk about it tomorrow."

He finally gave up struggling and came inside the house, passing out on the couch. I stared down at him crying silently. What in the heck was I going to do?

Apparently nothing. We never talked about it, and he continued drinking. As much as I told myself to leave, to tell someone, I just couldn't bring myself to. Every time I looked down at my wedding ring, looked around our home, I was reminded of the commitment; through the good and the bad . . . What was wrong with me?

The abuse also continued, and got worse as time went by. He was always apologizing, always so sincere, and I always ended up giving in. I was absolutely pathetic.

I quit my job. I couldn't go to work looking the way I always did now. The night I told him he freaked out and started screaming as usual. I'd learned even if I kept quiet and didn't answer him, I got it anyways. So I fed into it. Getting any jabs in that I could manage.

"Well, I wouldn't have had to quit if you'd stop treating me like some punching bag. Why won't you stop hurting me? What did I do to you," I was physically shaking with rage. "You prick!" My swearing vocabulary had improved significantly.

The dark look that swam into his eyes informed me that I _really _shouldn't have said that. "Oh, you want to see hurt," he replied silkily.

Then he raped me.

You may think that it's impossible for a husband to rape his wife, but believe me it is. I kicked out, I punched, I fought tooth and nail against him, and in the end I still lost . . . miserably so.

And still, I was helpless to leave.

_So .. what's the verdict? Was this complete crap or what? Let me know .. please review .. and thank you!:D  
_


	9. Chapter 9

_So, I felt kind of bad for taking so long with putting up chapter 8 so I decided that I'd upload one more for you guys :D And this one is pretty special cause you finally get the real story on what's been up with Jacob and Bella :D Enjoy!! _

**Chapter Nine: **

I was an idiot. _The_ idiot. I still loved him. Why? It was really beyond me. Maybe I was holding onto the old Jacob Black. It looked like he wasn't coming back either, but I found myself incapable of letting go.

He came home relatively early the next night, still smelling of booze of course, but early. I prayed it was to apologize. If I could just see that he was deeply and truly sorry, as stupid as it was, it gave me one good reason as to why I was staying. He sat down on the loveseat beside me looking ready to do exactly that.

He did start with an apology. These last few months have been his fault, his stupid fault, he can't ever forgive himself for what he's done to me, and does not expect me to either . . . Eventually it started to sound like a confession. Smaller then bigger things I hadn't know he'd done. How he'd made me marry him.

"What ARE you talking about Jacob?" I was so far beyond frustrated, scared to hear the words, but needing to hear them all the same.

He'd _magicked _me into the whole thing? _Magicked _me?

During his time away, as he was running through Canada, near Quebec, he'd run into a coven of witches. They knew he was not merely wolf, sensed the human deep within, the laborious loneliness and desperate despair that ravaged his thoughts. They invited him to stay the night and rest.

After pleading with him for near an hour, he had agreed. They'd fed him some food, and herbal tea, made to strengthen and heal. He was pouring his heart out soon enough, finally needing to talk about everything. Two of the women, the coven leaders actually, had sympathized so much with his story, they gave him something to help.

A ring. An old and powerful ring, layered in complex and delicate spell work. A ring to make whomever wears it; fall madly in love with whomever gave it to them. Forever, until they take it off. The big catch was that only the person who gave it to you _can_ give you permission to take it off, to free you.

You mentally can't. The ring will make suggestions. It will steal you away from thoughts about leaving him, anything not having to do with him. So, of course he decided to use it on me.

At first everything was great, more than he'd ever dreamed. Month by month however, the guilt had started creeping in. . . This unnerving, unforgettable guilt. He'd started drinking to ease the pain, and had somehow ended up here.

He had physically hurt me, had lied to me, and was sitting here drunk confessing everything to me. He was so sorry. He needed me to forgive him, to love him. He would stop drinking, and everything could go back to the way it was, if I just stayed with him.

He manipulated me in a way I could not possibly understand. I was being used as a custom Jacob Black blow up doll. I was a Stepford wife to a new extreme.

I exploded, screaming like no one had ever heard. I was maddened, saying nothing, but meaning everything. I felt genuinely crazy. And he was yelling right back.

I stood up and turned away from him, struggling, and winning with my self-control. I would not punch him.

"I'm leaving," I told him simply, walking to the front door.

_Wait! Stop,_ a voice in my head pleaded with me. Up until tonight I had thought that voice was just me being stupid, but it wasn't. The voice in my head urging me to stay with him, do everything for him, the voice that told me to leave Edward .. that was all a lie. It was always the ring.

I didn't get very far anyway before I was dragged to the floor by my hair. My head hit the wood with a loud thwack, and not a millisecond later a chorus of the tiny stars clouded my vision.

"You are not going anywhere. Ever! Not unless I say so."

"Fuck off Jacob. Truly and loudly, fuck off. I will do whatever I like. You've been given enough chances to straighten up. I applaud you for telling the truth, but you're telling me that among being an abusive bastard, you have done the worst, most distrustful thing, that anyone could do to someone? Ever?"

I realized instantly that I had gone too far. The bright flash in eyes told me so. He was mad, so mad.

Quickly, his hand darted toward me, gripping my shoulder, and twisting my arm. Breaking my arm. There were no words written to describe the pain in this moment . . . so much physically, and mentally, I thought it would kill me.

I was suddenly and tragically submerged in Edward. In Edward's problem with werewolf anger, how much pain they could cause. He had been dead right.

He had me on the floor panting, and I could hear his scratchy laughter above my head. "Like I said Bella, you won't leave me. You can't. Not unless I say you can."

He let go in a jerky motion, shoving me completely flat against the carpet. "And you wouldn't dare tell Charlie," he added as an afterthought. "Because _you_ know he would fight me, and you _know _who would win."

He was threatening my family now? "Bastard."

"Maybe," he replied walking away toward our bedroom. "But I'm your bastard honey," he smiled maliciously, closing the door behind him.

Coming in he had been apologizing, letting me know the truth, the real reason for his destructive behavior, depression, and guilt. He knew it was wrong. He was ashamed. Despite whatever he felt he was too far-gone into the hazy world of alcohol land, to really see reason. He was not about to let me go.

He knew I was helpless to do anything against him, and did not make a sound of protest as I slammed the front door behind me, slammed the car door next to me, and bolted from the driveway. He knew I would come back.

Already I felt a part of myself trying to rationalize what had just happened. _He was trying to be honest with you, he loves you, and you love him, you married him, you- _

"Stop," I couldn't help but yell out loud. I shook off the inner ramblings going on in my head, and focused on the road in front of me.

I sped away toward the main street out of here. I needed to get away from this place, away from everything. Somewhere along the way I was too frenzied to drive, so I pulled over into a ditch along the deserted road.

My mind slowly came back into focus, alerting me to the fact that I was shaking. I was shaking, sobbing too loudly in the quietness, and banging my hands against the steering wheel. The motion did not sit well with my left arm.

Oh . . . my . . . God . . .

_So .. what do you guys think? Love it? Hate it? Please let me know what you think .. it's the reviews and feedback that keep me going so if you'd like me to continue on with this .. let me know :D _

_And incase anyone is worrying .. never fear .. Edward will be here soon :D In the next chapter actually :D _


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